It’s
been a month since I started another
phase of my life – a life of solitude and silence as a hermit after so many
years of active ministry. I am living
the life that I have always longed for.
Even as a young priest over 37 years ago, I was already attracted to
this kind of life. But through the years, I could only spend a month each year
alone on top of this mountain for rest, prayer, contemplation, reading,
writing, running & biking, playing my flute & violin, practicing
tai-chi, preparing dinner after fasting intermittently. It was my way of coping
with the stress of missionary and pastoral ministry. I considered this as part of the rhythm of my
life – the contemplative dimension. This kept me from burning out. I came down
from the mountain fully recharged to continue my pilgrim, missionary journey –
evangelizing the poor, building Basic Ecclesial Communities, resisting a
dictatorial regime and struggling against logging companies.
Being
on top of this mountain has enabled me to have a closer encounter with my
deeper self and with the One to whom I have offered my life. I have never felt
alone or lonely. The mountaintop interlude has given me the opportunity to look
at a big picture and a long view of my life and ministry. I have tried to live
seriously the traditional image of the Redemptorist: Apostle abroad, Carthusian
at home. This has been part of my effort to integrate the active and the
contemplative dimension of my life as a religious priest which I try to do
every day but which I need to do on extended periods.
In
the midst of my busy life and hectic schedule, I always looked forward to going
up to this sacred space. But I could never get enough of this. I planned to
spend my Sabbatical Year here every ten years of my life. I also made a promise
to spend the final phase of my life on this mountain. I built a bamboo
hermitage which I could only occupy for three months since I was asked to do
higher studies in Berkeley and Rome. When I came back, I spent the next sixteen
years in Davao engaged in teaching, pastoral ministry, interreligious dialogue,
life and peace advocacy and denouncing the killings perpetrated by the Davao
Death Squad. Throughout those years, I continued my annual mountaintop
interlude. I could only spend five months here during my Sabbatical due to my
pastoral and academic responsibilities.
And
now after over six years working at the CBCP
- promoting BECs all over the country
and denouncing extrajudicial
killings and authoritarian rule under the new regime over the last two years, I
can finally fulfill the promise I made long ago. Last month, after Biking for
Life & Peace from Manila to Mindanao,
I came up to this mountain to begin living as a full-time hermit. I am occupying the room in the rest-house
which I have been using annually after a typhoon destroyed the bamboo hermitage
I built years ago. In due time, I will
be rebuilding with my own hands the hermitage in the woods. This will be my
home for the next 10 to 20 years or more, God willing.
Some
people – especially friends, confreres and fellow human rights activists – are
asking why I am doing this now when there is still much I can do in my ministry
and in the struggle against the forces of evil in society.
I
just feel that now is the right time to answer the eremitical call. I am
already a senior citizen and I want to do this before I am too old to live
alone and take care of myself. I believe that this is where the Lord wants me
to be at this time of my life. I won’t be active any more in organizing, giving
talks or joining rallies anymore. I will
continue to struggle and speak out against evil in a different way – through
prayer, fasting and writing. Echoing Mk 6:9 St. John Paul II affirmed: “Jesus
himself has shown us by his own example that prayer and fasting are the first
and the most effective weapons against the forces of evil.” Mahatma Gandhi said
something similar: “My religion teaches me that whenever there is distress
which one cannot remove, one must fast and pray.”
Coming
up this mountain reminds me of the prophet Elijah whose life was threatened by
King Ahab and Jezebel. He was weary and discouraged. It was amidst the silence
and solitude on top of the mountain that he felt God’s presence and gave him
courage to face death. (1 Kings
19:1-14). I did not come here to escape
or hide from those who intend to end my life prematurely because of my
prophetic stance – just like what they did recently to Fr. Mark Ventura. I came here to fulfill a promise – to answer
the Lord’s call to spend the remaining years of my life in solitude, silence
and contemplation. I came here to enter
into a deeper communion with Him and to prepare myself for my final journey
fully aware of my mortality. I am
encouraged by the words of a Carmelite hermit – Fr. Cornelius Wencel:
“The solitude of the desert teaches a person to be at peace even in the face of
death… The mere choice of solitude is an experience of kenosis and death. The
hermit, with his childlike heart, approaches death fearlessly. He accepts it
with quiet understanding and patience. He does not try to avoid death, to run
away from it, or to forget the inevitable necessity of dying… By dying in
Christ and rising in Christ, touching the mystery of Christ’s Passover, the
hermit becomes a prophet sent to the people of today.”
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